Sunday, May 11, 2003

Um. Apologies. I have had so much crap to deal with recently that i have not really felt, shall we say, the need or desire to fill you, the general public, in on whatever it is that i have been up to. But i shall endeavour to keep you all up to date with what is going on.At least on a weekly basis.

So i went to court last week and got an all vehicle 12 month ban, and a $500 fine. Couldn't care less about the fine really, its the effing inconvenience of not being able to get around that will really kick me in the stomach.

And of course my name was in the paper, with a frankly *hilarious* quote from me when i was arrested (i have been trying to play down the kudos of this with friends who think this is the funniest thing since whatever. It is very funny, but it's my life, y'know, i have to at least try and take it a bit seriously. So i have taken some grief from colleagues, but so far no 'powers that be' have stuck their oar in, and why should they indeed, for it isn;t really a work matter, it's not interfering with my ability to do my job (the sheer dullness is however) so frankly they can just sod off.

And i feel quite bad, because my life has been if not filled with scandal since i got here, then i have had more than my fair share. And i feel bad because i was kind of hoping that someone else would do something stupid to take the heat off me, and now someone has.
Although i am hearing this third handed, it appears "a" got arrested after i left him on Friday night for fighting. Affray. Someone mentioned that a policeman broke an arm. This doesn't sound good, does it. So i hear third hand that he was in jail most of Saturday, and i still don;t know if he's got out yet, and it is, of course all a big secret. And woefully, i can;t help that it somehow makes my situation seem a bit better, which is exactly what i felt when my flatmate's girlfriend came off her bike a few days ago and cut her feet up badly and had lots of stiches. What a horrible person i am sometimes. But the time has come, i have decided, to look after number one.

So after my little bit of trouble, my housemate says he has an offer to move into a cheaper place. This is not a bad thing, and has worked out really well, as i am moving into a little waterfront studio 15 minutes walk from work on May 31 (cheaper too amazingly!). And i have taken it on a short term basis as Derek tells me that there will almost definately be a room going in his house in August, where the rent is even cheaper, and i can get a ferry to work every day.
Of course, i am selling my bike, because it is worht a lot of money. Then i will buy a little 50cc runner for about 500$ and drive it illegally, only for (ahem emergencies). It is a risk, but what in life isn't.

I went to the beach with her last Sunday. And a few other people. None of whom know of our previous liaisons. So we had a few drinks, and i reflect how good she looks in a two piece bikini (although i have of course seen her out of it) and how incredible it seems to me now, middling in confidence though high in spirits (amazingly!) that i had the self belief to put a move on her.
And as a few drinks turns to a few more, she becomes increasingly tactile, stroking my hand with hers, and playfully ruffling my hair, and i think this is a little strange, and i do not really know what is happening or where it is going, and suddenly i am looking at her even younger, portugese friend with quite possibly the nicest derriere i have seen in a long while, and thinking/imaging a romantic tryst with her. And i am forced to revise my opinion of her yet again, as she has given me her cell phone for nothing (as she has got a swanky new one natch), and i think what a nice gesture, and it is.

And where does this leave Trish? Argh she is so nice, i would marry her in a second, but there is nto the same sort of primal lust i have for her which may be a good thing, a more mature rounded experience....
And i wonder why, since i have been invited out by her tonight to celebrate someone or other's birthday, i am not going with her, but am going to the cinema with Trish instead, who it must be said, i am spending an increasing amount of time around. And who said to my in an email that she could not stand staying on this small island without certian people here, to which she added quite volntarily "very much you included" which had the effect of giving me a warm glow all afternoon.

So i am looking forward to mvoing house. I am taking positives out of negatives all over the shop, and i am going to Vegas in three weeks with jen, who i imagine i will at least try and come onto, as we are sharing a room etc, and i have always been able to talk to her, and although a few years younger than me, i have always suspected something might happen between us.

So cinema in two hours.
In work until then, and need to. Two things to get in on Monday and my life will becoem easier afterwards.

I have just looked in the bathroom mirror and i need a haircut, but i am delaying until a week before i go to Vegas because i want my hair to be cut, but not JUST cut, which would be tragic and desperate, so not like me at all eh?

I am desperate, however, to get off this, let it be said, very small island. Cabin fever has set in.

Monday, April 28, 2003

Um, my latest entry isn't showing. Wonder why not.

Sunday, April 20, 2003

Disaster, disaster, disaster.

My life takes a turn for the worse as usual.

But let us retreat a few paces and go back, way back to Thursday 10th. When at 3pm, she emails me (and i think how impersonal no? but also, that would be my chosen way of letting someone down) and tells me that she is "too tired/hungover" to play pool with me. And of course i have told all the poker boys that i cannot make it that night, and they have childishly ribbed me, and surmised that i must be going on a date (to which i reply, it is not a date). And i am disappointed; of course i am; so much so that i wait half an hour before replying to her, even though she has seen i have read the email. And then i inform her, in a tone of annoyance, whilst trying not to sound too annoyed, that i am exceeding busy the next week and any rearrangal will be difficult. And i am, i concede, a mistrusting soul, as the thought occurs to trawl the bars that night to see whether she really is "too tired/hungover" or whether she has a better offer. Of course Trish went out with her brother, and i feel bad as i am forced to ask her via email whether anyone from work was out last night (meaning her) and she tells me no, there weren't (but that doesn;t necessarily mean she wasn't out, does it?

Saturday went whale watching, and got very sunburnt, and not a little seasick. Had a bad 20 minute spell out there. Saw a couple of whales though, so not bad. Tuesday, saw Pat Rafter play tennis. Not bad.

Thursday, went out got drunk. Got arrested. Spent night in cell. There's a first time for everything isn't there? Got caught speeding and was over the limit alcohol wise. Will almost definately lose my license and get a whacking fien, and i guess i deserve it. It is such a tin pot place here, that it's easy to forget these things though. So i have to go back to the cops on Friday and then another two or so weeks until court, and i am dreading losing my license, as its the only way to get around here, and i am dreading having to tell the story over an over again 9and i wonder if i should inform work, as technically, i suppose, it's none of their business. And so i felt down all weekend, and i really needed someone to talk to, so i wne tround to Trish's on Saturday, and she was really cool, really nice, and cheered me up no end. Rumours are spreading about me and her. It doesn;t upset me. I like her lots. Still think nothing will ever happen though. We decided we are both going back "home" after the two years here (London and vancouver respectively)

Gaaah - work is awful isn't it.

Monday, April 07, 2003

Just the other day, it seems, we had decided we should speak no more of her. And yet here is the beginning of an entry, inspired and dedicated to all things her.

If it is not fate then i think someone up there has a sick sense of humour.

She is doing the tax work on one of my clients. You have to laugh don't you. And now i have been thrown back into a kind of abyss in which i appear to be constantly circling her, moving in much closer, but never touching. And i recall that at the weekend (after a quite stellar round of golf in which while reversing the golf cart i knocked over a fence post, causing four or five portions of fence to collapse) i had a drink with two chaps from work and two other chaps. Quoth one of the others ' I like that scandinavian girl from your tax dept" At which point i pointed out that she (for it was her) was in fact, not scandinavian at all (although as blonde as one could be, i cannot deny) but from Seattle. And i reflect now, it is a miracle that i did not go on, amidst the boistrous oohing and aahing, to divulge the minutae of our mini-affair. And why should i, you might ask, because lets face it i'm a bloody adult, and so i really shouldn;t still be out wanting kudos, respect or just amazement at this revelation (for they wopuld surely all wonderwhat a girl as gorgeous as her would ever be doing with me, and i myself even, on occassion wonder why she slept with me, so all's fair). But yes, amazingly kept my mouth shut, and smiled. And felt a teeny bit of regret, and a teeny bit of something else which was something along the lines of "at least....."

Trish has disappeared. her sister has come here to get married so i guess she's wrapped up in family stuff. Not entirely disappeared. She still sits at the end of my row.
And in a scene of horrible duplicity, i am going to play pool with her on Thursday. I am even giving up my seat round the poker table. Gah.

Monday, March 31, 2003

Hmmm, been a bit lazy at this recently.

The weather was stunning this weekend. Spent most of it in the sun and with friends; it was perfect.

Meanwhile the sexual tension between myself and trish grows by the day. She is a really great girl - very different from her i note. And i finally thought this weekend - yes, yes you do really like Trish and there is something there i think, but the more i delineate situations the more hopeless they become so i have already decided she doesn;t like me "in that way" and now all we have to hop is that my burgeoning feelings don;t fuck up what is becoming a sound friendship.

I keep hitting the semi-colon instead of the apostrophe, have you noticed.

Playing pool with Trish tomorrow. I am good at Pool (the evidence of a misspent youth, tis why i am also good at cards), but having not picked up a cue in anger in over 6 months it will be interesting to see how i fare.

Will keep you posted.

Monday, March 24, 2003

The oscars.

I watched them, and hence i am absolutely ker-nackered today. Yesterday was brilliant - went for a swanky brunch/lunch affiar and then spent a few hours on the beach. I have caught the sun. Anyway, the oscars. This was in many ways as riveting a ceremony as i have ever seen.

Stand up Michael Moore for having the guts to say what you believe. Also i thought the chap who won best actor did really well. Damn right. Tell them to shut that fucking music up and say what you have to say. Nicole Kidman lost points because she was like me - crap - at the speech, in fact shockingly ordinary and mumbled all over her words which she was desperately searching for and not finding. (listen love, art as healer and social bonding agent is difficult enough at the best of times, let alone when there is a war on). Susan sarandon gets a badge for her peace sign and saying her intro very markedly so that we were in no two minds about the subtext. Marvellous stuff. I am against this war i have decided. How militant left wing of me. The chaps back home would never have believed it.

And i am in love with Diane Lane, who looked lovelier than ever last night.

Saturday, March 22, 2003

Gah. Note to self. Do not post when drunk and feeling sorry for oneself. It is always a bloody embarrassment, and can hardly be thrilling for the loyal readership.

I am watching the football results come in on the intertent. This is as thrilling as life gets.

Meanwhile a Sami Hyppia lookalike is telling me that i can find singles in my area. Really Sami? I doubt it.

Haha me and derek got chatted up by two girls last night. It was hilarious, we played along for a bit, then got bored and left. And someone i hardly know came up to me and said" so and so is really pissed at you" and proceeded to tell me what i had supposedly done, which i can't even be bothered to remember whether i had said what was being alleged, because to me it seems pretty pathetic and i can't say i care much to the chap who i have allegedly wronged, such that if i saw him I may feel the desire to tell him to fucking grow up and act his age (getting on for thirty i'd say). Then i may put him on the floor for wasting my valuable time.

hee hee, actually i'm quite glad about that bit of the night, because i care too much about some stuff, so it was refreshing to think that i do not actually give a shit about this tosser.

But then she turned up, and it is never a nice thing (not her turning up, but watching her with some assholes hand on her ass). so it goes, but hell i'm sure i'll survive.

Fifteen mins til full time. I'll tidy my desk, then the video store i think.